Own Your Impact: How to Lead When Life Get’s Hard -18

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Marli Williams [: 00:00:00

Hey, everyone. What's happening? I am super stoked to welcome you to the Marli Williams podcast, where we will explore authentic leadership, transformational facilitation, and how to create epic experiences for your audiences every single time. I am your host, Marli Williams, bringing you thought provoking insights, expert interviews, and actionable strategies to unlock your potential as a leader, facilitator, and speaker. Thank you for joining me on this journey of growth, transformation, and impact. Let's Lead Together, The Marli Williams podcast begins now. Let's dive in. Well, Hey everybody. What is happening? I am super stoked to welcome you back to the Marli Williams podcast, where this week I get to hang out with my good friend, Sensi Graves, who is the founder of Sensi Swim.

Marli Williams [: 00:00:54

She has been a camp counselor at Camp Yes. And she's an incredible speaker on mindset, on confidence, on entrepreneurship. And I'm just super stoked to have you here, my friend.

Sensi Graves [: 00:01:07

I'm fired up.

Marli Williams [: 00:01:10

So good. Oh my gosh. I mean, we've known each other for a few years. Yep, now. And I remember this is just coming to me right now. I got an email from Sensi in my inbox asking if I was looking for, I think, speakers for camp yes. And you were just putting things out there and you're like, hey. See I see what you're up to.

Marli Williams [: 00:01:34

Let's jam. And we had a conversation, and we've been best friends ever since. I think 3 years you've been a camp counselor at camp. Yes. And time and time again, your campers' rave reviews and the impact that you've made at camp and beyond in helping women, like, find their confidence is incredible. So I'm just excited to have you on the podcast today.

Sensi Graves [: 00:01:53

Thank you. Thank you so much. I remember reaching out to you and just it was totally, let's see what works. I'm gonna throw this against the wall. I love what she's doing. This person is awesome. And then when we had our first call, I remember really hitting it off and just totally resonating with everything that you're doing. So thanks for being a leader in all of this.

Marli Williams [: 00:02:11

And I think it's just such a testament to your willingness to be in the arena. Right? And one of the big things we were just jamming on is, like, the power of action. We can sit around and wait for the speaking engagement or wait for the person to reach out to us, but you're like, I see something cool happening that I wanna be a part of. And we don't know where it's gonna go, where it's gonna lead, if we're gonna get a response or not. But, like, just being in the arena and speaking of being in the arena, sometimes when we're in the arena, we get our butt kicked a little bit. And you've been on a journey the past few months. And, you know, I I think that there's a lot that we can jam on around leadership and really how to lead when one of the things I like to say is when life lifes you.

Marli Williams [: 00:03:04

Meaning, life isn't always going to be rainbows and butterflies. It's not going to be magically awesome all the time. And I think people look on Instagrams or llook at your life or look at my life and they're like, Sensi has it all figured out. Look at her. She's got a swimwear line. She's speaking. She's kite boarding like a boss. She's hot.

Marli Williams [: 00:03:27

I mean, all these things. And then, you know, it's easy to feel like, oh, I can lead when, like, life is going well and everything is, you know, smooth sailing. And a lot of people reach out and they're like, well, how do I lead when things will inevitably happen in our life? Challenges will come up or transitions in our journey. And I'd love to just, like, talk to you about how you're navigating some of the challenges, and feel free to kinda share a little bit of your story and your journey. And in service of helping people navigate their life and still lead through it with as much grace and compassion as I have seen you have over the time that I've known you, there's been challenges too. Some bigger, some smaller.

Sensi Graves [: 00:04:21

Thank you. I think it's such an important topic, as you said, because we are afraid of negative things happening. A lot of times, we don't try because we don't want to look stupid or be judged or have something go wrong or invest in a company and have it fail. Endless litany of things that can go wrong. And that's just on the putting yourself out there side. On the other side is the things that we have no control over, which is the death of a loved one, your company going out of business, losing a pet. Anything that is heart wrenching and heartbreaking. And as you referred to, I had a well, it wasn't life threatening for me, but it was life threatening for my partner, and I will say life changing event happened 3 months ago.

Sensi Graves [: 00:05:06

My husband of 10 plus years, was in a speed flying accident, and he fell out of the sky 30 feet, like, straight drop to rocks, tumbled 300 feet down a scree field. I was in Canada on a work trip. As soon as I got the call, you know, they weren't sure if he wasn't gonna make it. That was the message I got on the phone call to come home. And I said, is he alive? And they said, yes, but we're not sure how long. And I immediately dropped to my knees, made my way back to Portland. I was in Revelstoke. And even talking about it, right, brings up all these emotions because it was it was so much trauma in the moment.

Sensi Graves [: 00:05:47

You never wanna get any sort of phone call like that. My husband was in a in a coma for 3 days, ended up being in the hospital for 3 weeks, which, in the grand scheme of things, is not that bad. He's really been had a miracle recovery, which we're so thankful for. He has a traumatic brain injury, and that has been one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. And I've had a lot of trauma in my life is the thing. My mom died when I was 16. My younger brother was shot 3 times in the neck and head when I was 20. My dad's been in jail twice for a total of 8 years, once when I was really little and once when I was 25.

Sensi Graves [: 00:06:24

When this happened with Brandon, I was like, Okay, universe. Why is this happening? I've already had so much trauma and so much resilience that I've had to cultivate. I don't really understand what the message of this is. And it was a really difficult, dark time for a little bit. But when we talk about the leadership piece, I really believe that life's challenges are opportunities. And even though they are really hard, they're super expansive at the same time because the more hurt and hardship we experience, the more joy we get to experience, the more your emotions are actually stretched open. When you feel trauma, it helps you feel compassion for the other humans, and you realize, wow. Number 1, whatever I'm going through, someone else is going through something way much way worse than I am.

Sensi Graves [: 00:07:14

And number 2, when you go through it, like, when you actually get there's no end to our healing. But when you get kind of out of the darkest days, I'll say, you realize how strong you are. And you realize how much you can take ownership of how you show up, your energy, the impact that you spread in the world, and that you're a lot stronger than you really know and think you are. And it is really in those only those moments of being tested that that comes out. And so while I would never wish any of these hardships upon anyone, I really believe that not only would I not be the human that I am today, but I would not be able to lead in the way that I can today, because my compassion has been expanded.

Marli Williams [: 00:07:59

Mhmm. It's so powerful to think about how those challenges that we navigate in our life expand our capacity to serve other people, and to know that there are challenges that we face that we don't have control over that are unavoidable challenges, like you said, that life will life us and come at us. And it's not about being able to control those things happening or not, but it's how we respond to them, how we learn and grow through them, how we cultivate this resilience and this strength through them, have compassion for ourselves and other people. And you said something else that I think is really interesting, how, yes, there are these things that happen that we're not in control over, but there are these challenges in our life that maybe we avoid, avoiding the fear of failure, avoiding, you know, making a mistake or messing up or making the wrong decision. And so we don't let ourselves try, meaning, like, we don't put ourselves in the arena. You know, sometimes, like, we're in the arena of life, and life will, like, kick our ass sometimes. But, like, are we choosing to step into those opportunities? Like, because I have this strength and this resilience, I can get on stage and, you know, what is the worst thing that could possibly happen? I forget a word. I forget a line.

Marli Williams [: 00:09:30

I mess up. I make a mistake. Well, if I made it through that, then these things that I'm facing, you know, as an entrepreneur or as speaker or as a leader, it's like, I've cultivated this capacity to trust myself that no matter what happens, I will be okay, and I will be stronger on the other side. And so I think what those challenges give us in order to take risks in our business, to try new things, to experiment, to put ourselves out there, to send the email. I've been through the worst of it. Like, might as well fucking go for it. You know?

Sensi Graves [: 00:10:13

Yeah. And you realize how fleeting life is. You realize, really, today is all I've got. Tomorrow is not promised. And if I don't show up and do it now, then the world is gonna miss out on my unique amazing humanist. And I think that's the part of when we don't put ourselves out there that really is a a big negative for the other people. Because each of us shows up and brings so much unique experience. There's no one like you on the planet.

Sensi Graves [: 00:10:42

There's never gonna be anyone like you on the planet. You have a really amazing set of gifts and life experiences, And every single person can teach someone else something simply based on what they've experienced in their life. And so, really, when I think about, wow, if I didn't put myself out there and, luckily, I'm brave. That's one of my superpowers. I'm good at putting myself out there. Is it because of the resilience? We're not sure. We'll come back to that. But because I'm able to put myself out there, not only am I able to learn, but I know that what I bring is valuable.

Sensi Graves [: 00:11:17

And now it took me a long time to get there. I didn't originally, you know, show up in any of his work being like, I'm valuable. People need to I'm here to help people. I can serve. No. That took me a long time. But I think we really other people really miss out when we don't show up. We have so much to offer, and that is where it really is the confidence and the mindset work that needs to happen both to help you get through hard times but also to really just make your dreams happen, is that you are valuable, you're enough, and you have so much to offer the world.

Sensi Graves [: 00:11:47

But how do we remember that? That's, I think, the tricky part in all that, really showing up.

Marli Williams [: 00:11:52

And I think that when people see someone who's doing that now, they've assumed that they've always been that way. Right? Like, you've always had confidence, and you've always trusted yourself and your voice and mission and your message and had the confidence to share it. And you just said, I haven't always been that way. Or it took me it took me a while to get that my voice and my message and my mission matters enough to actually share it. What are some of the things that you think helped you on your journey get to that point of, I learned some things, and now I'm ready to share it. I think a lot of people wait for this elusive, ready feeling, and I always love it. We're never gonna feel 100% ready. You just have to feel ready enough and have the willingness to be in the arena, but, like, no one's gonna come knocking at your door saying, I think you have a message to share with the world.

Marli Williams [: 00:13:01

Here's a microphone to all of humanity. Like, we have to actually make some decision about doing that. And so what are some things that you've experienced along your journey that helped you get to this place of, like, I do have something to share, and I'm gonna share it?

Sensi Graves [: 00:13:20

Yeah. It's such a good question. Because I think a lot of us really struggle with that. I'm not worthy. I'm always comparing myself to other people. I don't have anything important to share.

Marli Williams [: 00:13:31

A lot of people's it's all been said. It's all been done.

Sensi Graves [: 00:13:33

Yes. Let's talk about it. And number 1, why is this important? Because can you imagine a world when everyone was walking around being like, I'm amazing. I'm great. They have smiles on their faces and they're radiant. Like, how much more positivity? It's not coming from a place of hubris or ego. It's coming from a place of I love myself, and now I'm gonna spread that love to other people. That is a world I wanna live in.

Sensi Graves [: 00:13:55

So that's why we're talking about this. Okay. So what helped me? A lot of things. Number 1 was diving into my strengths, really working on introspection, doing all of the tests, the Enneagram, the Myers Briggs, the human design, journaling, spending time uncovering me. Because for me, when I did some of those tests, I was like, wow. I'm on number 7. Cool. I'm an enthusiast.

Sensi Graves [: 00:14:23

Like, let's go. I love this. I think the more that you learn about yourself, the more you're actually able to love and respect yourself.

Marli Williams [: 00:14:31

It's so true. I remember, like, the first time I took the Myers Briggs thing, and I was I was doing some, like, AmeriCorps teaching fellowship, and part of that is was really, like, developing our strengths as teachers, educators, leaders. And I remember reading the description for the ENFP. And I was like, there is a reason I am the way that I am. And when you read things like the enthusiast and and the 7 on the Enneagram or the Myers Briggs or whatever kind of personality test, for me some people think it's like, don't put me in a box. And I'm like, to me, it it felt like it just gave me permission. It, like, unlocked something. It was like, oh, this is who I am.

Marli Williams [: 00:15:15

And it's kinda like if we don't know who we are, we can't own who we are. Exactly. And this idea of, like, that self understanding, that self awareness that we can cultivate of, like you said, doing the deep dive of, like, who am I, and what do I have to offer the world, and what are my unique strengths that I have to bring? So I love that as, like, a step on the journey of, like, figuring out that.

Sensi Graves [: 00:15:40

It's an action step too. You can actually go do that. And you don't have to take everything. It's only what resonates with you because that helps build your confidence. When you look at something, you say, oh, I have this strength. I might stand a little bit taller because, oh, I know that I'm good at this thing. It resonates with me. Okay.

Sensi Graves [: 00:15:55

I'm gonna take ownership of that. Number 1 is that understanding, but number 2 is that permission to say, oh, I'm great at organizing. Cool. Okay. Yeah. Let me maybe I'm gonna go help my friend organize. Maybe that's gonna turn into an organized business. We don't know.

Sensi Graves [: 00:16:09

But we know that the more that you uncover about yourself, the more you can show up in the world. That's a 100% for sure.

Marli Williams [: 00:16:14

So good and so actionable, like you said.

Sensi Graves [: 00:16:17

The second thing that I think really helped me was evaluating my why, really getting connected to my why. I read Simon Sinek's start with why. Love that book. Recommend that to everyone. And I looked at why did I wanna do what I wanted to do. We will always do more for other people than we will for ourselves. So when we have a why that's connected outwards and is about service and is about something that tugs on our heartstrings. Like, we don't wanna look at our why and say, okay.

Sensi Graves [: 00:16:46

I'm starting this business because I wanna make money. That surface level may be your first answer, but why do you wanna make money? Oh, I wanna create freedom for my family. Why do you wanna create freedom for my family? Because I didn't get the experiences that I wanted from my life growing up and I wanna enable my children to have amazing experiences. You keep asking why and you get, they say, 7 levels deep to something that actually connects to your heartstrings. Because when it's something that connects your heartstrings and when it's outward facing to the people that you're serving, it helps you show up more. Because number 1, you know that the work that you're doing is important. You know that it's impactful because you're like, wow. This is something that touches my heart.

Sensi Graves [: 00:17:26

It matters. I need to do it. And then secondly, it really boosts your confidence because you know it's needs to be out in the world be because you know it's important, but it helps you get through the hard times. Because when hard times are gonna come, we know they are, and things get hard, If you're connected to a why that is about other people and about service, you say, okay. Well, even though it's hard, I still need to do it because it's important for me to show up. Nope. No one else can do it like I do it. I've got the skills.

Sensi Graves [: 00:17:55

I know my strength. Now I know my why. I know it's really important. And, therefore, even when a failure or a negative happens, I'm gonna dust myself off and show up again because I know how important this work is. I did not do that with my first business, my swimwear company. I didn't have a strong why. And when things got difficult I mean, I almost quit a 1,000 times. You know, I wasn't connected to something that really tugged in my heartstrings, so it's hard.

Sensi Graves [: 00:18:23

It was hard to stay motivated. It was hard to show up. I wanna contrast that to my speaking in the mentoring that I do. That, when I started that, it was so connected to a why. My why is to help humans believe in themselves so that the world doesn't miss out on their amazing unique humanness. And that is something that I believe in with my whole heart, and I know it to be super important. Even if I don't get a speaking gig or even if I get a lot of noes or even if I don't have any mentoring clients coming in, I'm like, it's okay. I'm gonna keep doing this work because I know that it matters.

Sensi Graves [: 00:18:58

I know it's important. Even if one person is affected, my job is done. That's it. Yeah. 100%. So much different energy.

Marli Williams [: 00:19:08

Yeah. It's I think knowing when you have that strong why, like you said, when things hit the fan and when things get hard, it is the thing that helps you get through and really know, like, not just what I'm doing, but why does it matter? Why does it matter to me? Why does it matter to the world? And I think that we all have a desire to contribute in some way. And this level of, like, contribution, I think, is what gives joy, meaning, and purpose to so many people to our lives. If you're listening to this podcast, the idea of let's lead together, it is leadership can feel lonely, but it doesn't have to be. And this idea of, like, if you are a leader, you are someone who wants to make the world a better place. You know, a leader is someone who sees an opportunity to make something better, do something better, and actually does something about it. And when you have this strong sense of contribution, I I was listening to a talk the other day, and it was about like you said, our time is limited here. And it's kinda like, if not now, then when? And if not you, then who? And what they were talking about how death is what makes life beautiful.

Marli Williams [: 00:20:21

And if we don't honor that, then we often you know, the five regrets, the dying. It's like all of these things that they I wish I wouldn't have taken myself so seriously. I wish I would have played more. I wish I would have done what I wanted to do instead of what I thought other people wanted me to do. And he's like, you can't take this illusion of success that we live in our culture of all of the things that we acquire. And he told the story of being with his dad when he passed away and being in the room. And it was like all of the stuff in his house, he doesn't get to take that with him. But what he did it's like we don't get to take the things with us, but his question to the audience was like, well, what do you wanna leave behind? What do you wanna be remembered for? You know, when I think about my why, like, I love the word legacy.

Marli Williams [: 00:21:10

Like, what is the thing that I will be remembered by and remembered for. And I think it's actually in the Macklemore song, but I did have the student say, his father told him, we die twice. The first time is when we take our last breath for the last time, and the second is when the last person says our name for the last time. Meaning, you know, we're still talking about Martin Luther King Junior. We still talk about these people who have passed away because they've had some sort of, like, impact. And my two big values are freedom and impact. Like, I wanna have the freedom to, like, live the life that I want and to have as big of an impact as I want. Freedom to mean meaning, like, I don't feel limited around the impact that I'm here to make.

Marli Williams [: 00:21:59

And knowing that things get hard, and when I wanna give up and throw in the towel that I go online and I look for a 9 to 5, I'm like, there's no way because it doesn't have the freedom and impact. Here, I have to be in an office 9 to 5, and I can only talk to these people who work at this company or whatever. So it's like, I'm unemployable at this point in time in my life.

Sensi Graves [: 00:22:21

I agree with that statement.

Marli Williams [: 00:22:22

But yeah. So I think knowing who you are, knowing your why.

Sensi Graves [: 00:22:26

Yes. I love, I want to talk about 2 things you said there because I love them. Number 1, the illusion of success. Yes. That's so true. We attach so much success to material success or even the external validation that we get.

Sensi Graves [: 00:22:43

And I think when we're talking about own your why, it's really important to unhook from both criticism. So not being attached to the negative feedback that we get. Because I don't care if you have one follower on Instagram or you're not on social media or you have a a 1000000 followers, you are gonna get criticized. Walking down the street, someone is gonna judge you. So it's kind of like if you don't show up, you are not only doing yourself a disservice, but you're doing the people that you could impact a disservice and all for what? You're gonna get judged no matter what you do. So give yourself that permission just to unhook from the criticism, but also and this is perhaps more important. Unhook from the praise and the validation that you get. Because when we only do things because we think we're gonna get a lot of likes on Instagram or we think it's gonna get a have a viral video or whatnot, you're losing touch with your values and the impact and the legacy that you wanna have in the world.

Marli Williams [: 00:23:40

It's so true. And knowing, like, what's the purpose for sharing this? Yeah. Right? Like, am I doing this to get the likes and to get the approval from others, that external validation? Or am I doing it to be of service and to make a difference and knowing, like, again, if it impacted one person, then it was worth it? This podcast, the talk, the workshop, the book, whatever it is. And so often, we don't wanna do it unless we think everyone's gonna like it. And the thing is, I I appreciate what you said. Like, you will be judged no matter what. And so it's so important, I think, when we were talking about, like, sharing, like, owning your impact right now.

Marli Williams [: 00:24:23

It's like, can you look yourself in the eye and say, like, I'm doing a great job. And I know, like, in my heart of hearts, I know my intentions are good. Because when things come at us and when people judge us or they criticize us and we don't have a strong sense of self, we will give up. We will break down. We will, you know, crumble if we can't stand in our own power and say, thanks for sharing. I have work to do. Like, I'm here to make a difference. And I know that I'm not gonna be for everybody.

Marli Williams [: 00:25:03

And that's okay. We talk about this idea of being magnetic. Right? And the idea of, like, magnets attract and they repel. And we don't have to be everything for everyone because then we're nothing to no one. And so it's recognizing too, like, certain people are gonna resonate with you, your voice, your message, how you say it because of what you've been through and your experience. And some people are gonna resonate with somebody else. And I think that this, like, oh, it's all been said before. It's all been done before.

Marli Williams [: 00:25:35

It's like no one has done it or said it like you will. And that's the truth of it. Because like you said, there's never been a you before you. There will never be a you after you, so you might as well, like, own the hell out of it and have fun while you're at it too.

Sensi Graves [: 00:25:50

That's the third thing that I really focused on, and that was owning my impact. Understanding that I was impactful right where I was at. No matter if I wanted my business to be bigger, or I wanted more followers, or I wanted to do more things and achieve more and buy nicer stuff. I really worked on, wow, I'm influential right now. And that actually came probably maybe a decade ago. I was doing a water bottle drinking challenge. So I was trying to drink a gallon of water every day. And a gallon jug is conspicuous.

Sensi Graves [: 00:26:21

You don't normally carry that around. And people were looking at me, and they were coming up to me, and they were saying, what are you doing? And I would be like, I'm doing a water drinking challenge. And it would engage a conversation with this person, and they'd be like, why? And I would say, well, water is good for humans. Most people don't drink enough water. It flushes your metabolism, and it flushes your lymph nodes. It boosts your metabolism. All these things. And I could see their wheels start to turn.

Sensi Graves [: 00:26:51

And I could see them start to think, oh, maybe I should drink more water. And in that moment, seriously, I was like, what? I am an inspiration. I'm influencing people. Like, not even trying. I'm just walking around doing my own thing, and it's impacting the people around me. That is truly how it is. If you are walking down the street and someone smiles at you from across the way, that can change your whole day. If someone has a giant grin and they especially if they're good looking, right, if they give you a huge grin and you're like, what? That beautiful this person's smiling at me.

Sensi Graves [: 00:27:31

That can change the entire trajectory of your day. And so when I did that water drinking challenge, it was like, oh, Justin, how I show up, I influence the people around me. That did a number of things for me. Firstly, it raised my level of confidence because I knew that I was impacting people. I was like, oh, people are looking at me. Okay. And number 2, it really up leveled my responsibility. Because once again, I was like, people are looking at me.

Sensi Graves [: 00:28:03

I better step it up. I'm influential. I'm impactful. I better raise my own bar and show up in the best version of myself because people are looking at me. People are looking at every single one of us. Right? When we see something maybe out of the ordinary, whether that's a gallon water bottle or not, we're impacted by it, and it gets our wheels turning. And the same really is true. Like, you can't believe it until you see it.

Sensi Graves [: 00:28:30

A lot of times, we can't really imagine ourselves as getting to that next level until we see it or we are in proximity to that thing that we want to become. And I think it's really important for us to say, no matter where I'm at, I'm impacting every single person I come into contact with with my energy, with my enthusiasm, with how I choose to show up that day, and I am worthy enough right where I'm at because I'm influential. I don't I don't need to have a 100,000,000 followers on Instagram. I'm influential right where I'm at.

Marli Williams [: 00:29:02

Yeah. Right here, right now with this one person. And I think sometimes we wait to have the 10,000 followers, a 100,000 followers, and then I'll be influential, and then I'll be impactful. But it's like how you treat 1 person is how you treat a 100 people is how you treat a 1000 people. Or, like, you know, how you treat $1 is how you treat a $100. You know, it's like, oh, I'm gonna show up when I make all of this money, when I have all this influence and impact on the outside versus choosing, I think this is like the definition of leadership. Giving yourself permission to own the impact you have right now where you are with who you are around every single day, your kids, your partner, your coworkers, your friends, the people on the street, the people at the grocery store, your people at the coffee shop. It's like when you own your impact, you take responsibility for the energy that you bring into the room of the question of what shows up when you show up.

Marli Williams [: 00:30:01

When you walk into a room, how are you influencing that that space and the energy and impacting the people around you? Do we lift people up? Do we build people up? Do we break people down? Do we keep it kind of neutral? So easy to fall into the culture of complaining versus creating, like, a culture of celebration. And for people that are listening, it's really like, what is the impact that I wanna have on the people around me? And so often, we let ourselves off the hook, like, oh, no one cares. No one's paying attention. It's kind of a funny quote proverb where it says, like, if you think you're too small to make an impact, you've never been in bed with a mosquito. And, you know, not that you wanna have the impact of a mosquito, but it's like nobody is too small to make an impact. Like, you have an impact every day no matter what. And so the question is, what is the impact that you wanna make? So I love this. So we have knowing yourself, knowing your why, and owning your impact.

Sensi Graves [: 00:31:05

I wanna bring it back to something you just said there, which was the victim mindset piece. When we don't think we're impactful and we don't take responsibility for our actions, and we have this mindset of everything's happening to me instead of for me and why me. And that comes back to how my first reaction was to Brandon's accident, which was, why is this happening to me? Why do I need to go through this? What's the message I'm supposed to learn? I don't wanna do this. This is hard. And really not pushing away the trauma and that the hurt that I felt, but really feeling like a victim in it. That luckily didn't last very long, and I was able to come back into this appreciation for the expansiveness of hardship. But I also started opening up to sharing my journey with people and saying this is really hard, and that's okay. Because as humans, we get to experience the entire breadth of human emotion.

Sensi Graves [: 00:32:12

You get to experience that. We get to be on this planet experiencing the terrifying and the hard and the horrible. And we also get to experience the beautiful and the heartwarming and the joyful and the awesome. And when I started being like, okay. I don't know the reason this is happening, but I know that I will be expanded from it, and I trust that I can get through it, and I trust that everything will be okay in the end. It allowed me to take that leadership position again and say, let me share my journey. Let me share what's on my heart, and let me open myself up to connecting with my community more knowing that everything will work out even though it's hard right now. And instead of building that wall up of, no, why is this happening to me? I don't want this.

Sensi Graves [: 00:33:05

I could feel that emotion and say, this is hard and that's okay. And that I think is what really when we talk about being a leader through hardship, it means it's saying it's okay to have hard times, and it's okay for things to be a struggle because they're going to be. And that doesn't mean that you give up, and that doesn't mean that you lose everything that you built. And that also doesn't mean that you have to keep going the way you're going. We can allow ourselves the grace to trust in what's happening and allow ourselves the time to experience the hardness of it. Because life is hard. Being a human is hard.

Marli Williams [: 00:33:40

Yeah. And I think Brene Brown says it, like, we can't selectively numb. Meaning, sometimes we try to avoid hardship or challenge, but then we also don't get to experience that that level of joy and awe. Like, again, allowing ourselves to experience the full spectrum of what it is to be human. And when I went to bridge and extreme with Preston, we talked about this training is helping you build a somatic body that can hold everything that you want and more, and even hold the things that you didn't expect to hold, you know, want you're like, I don't wanna hold this. I don't want to experience this.

Marli Williams [: 00:34:25

That's why I think the hardships and challenges are expansive because it's like, sometimes we don't really have a choice. It's like I get to either choose to really be with this or reject it. You know? And that's why when things happen, like, there is maybe, like, a denial moment or, like, a why this, why me. We wanna push it away. I don't wanna be experiencing this pain right now because it's painful. And as human beings, we wanna avoid pain. And the only constant, as we know, is change, is growth, is expansion, is evolution. And how do we choose? I think you just demonstrated so well how we can choose to meet the moments in our life that push us to our edge of what we think that we can hold.

Marli Williams [: 00:35:11

You said every time you've gone through these things, it's like we are so much stronger than we think and so much stronger than I think that we give ourselves credit for. And inviting those questions, what am I meant to learn? How am I meant to grow? Like, these are the questions I think that can help us move through it, and lead with love and grace and compassion and be vulnerable. And in saying, like, I'm going through it right now. This is hard right now, Whether that's heartbreak or a loss or all of the things that we experience as being human, it's not about brushing over it or ignoring it or just saying, I'm fine, when we're not fine. And allowing the people in your life to love on you and to support you. And as leaders, I think we oftentimes are the people that people lean on, and it can be really hard to open ourselves up to receive that love, to receive that support. And I know that that's something that you've experienced over the past few months of just, like, how beautiful of a community you've cultivated over the past 20, 30 years. You know, that when shit hits the fan, there are people that will show up for you and love on you and support you.

Marli Williams [: 00:36:34

And you have to be open and willing to receive that too.

Sensi Graves [: 00:36:38

I feel so thankful for that. That's been my biggest takeaway through this whole thing is how wonderful our community is. I was blown away and continue to be blown away by how many people brought meals. You be one of them, showed up at the hospital for us, sent a text message, donated money to Brandon's GoFundMe. So many acts of service, kindness, and love that I was just completely blown away. And I got really good at asking for what I needed. And I think that goes along with the ownership piece as well and being a leader because I knew that if I didn't ask for what I needed, I would not only, like, curl up and shrivel in the corner. That would be another barrier to connection with others.

Sensi Graves [: 00:37:26

People wanna help. People want to help. And, also, that me asking for what I needed. At first, you know, I not even at first with this accident, but in the past, I think I would have a hard time asking for what I needed because it feels like a burden on the other person or you're like, who am I to ask for this? Whatever story comes up in your head. But that's taking ownership. If you say this is what I need, this is either a boundary I'm gonna put into place or something that I want for this relationship to work. I'm taking ownership of how I wanna show up. And we don't put that in place.

Sensi Graves [: 00:38:00

You're doing the other party a disservice, and you're also not allowing them to show up because they're allowed to say no. Right? They're allowed to have their own boundary. A 100%. So I think I got really good at asking for what I needed during that hardship time because I had no other choice. And then I also got really good at receiving. I've been good at that before, but this really brought to light how important I think it is to receive because it allows other people to show their love and support. You know, if someone comes up to you and gives you a big hug and you're like, no, they're gonna feel bad. They're gonna, why don't you wanna hug me? I wanna give you a hug.

Sensi Graves [: 00:38:40

That's an act of love. I wanna give this to you. If you're not able to receive it, that creates separation with that other person. And that also doesn't make them feel good. And so when we allow ourselves to receive, it's that transfer of energy that keeps the world going. You don't have to give back. We can just say thank you. And I got good at that in a number of years ago.

Sensi Graves [: 00:39:02

I can't remember why I started doing it, but when someone gave me something, I would say, thank you. Thank you. I wanna invite more of this into my life and also pass it around to other people. There's a native American story that I listened to not that long ago, and it said that the definition of wealth was measured by how much you gave away. And I loved that so much because when we're talking about that illusion of success, and what actually community means and what giving and receiving means, when wealth is measured by how much you give away, I mean, talk about the world being a better place.

Marli Williams [: 00:39:46

It's so good. And I feel like that brings us, like, full circle around giving yourself permission, you know, to give away your message with joy. And the thing about sharing your message in that way is it is limitless. And, like, the more that you share it, I think it grows and it expands and it takes on a life of its own. Like, your voice and your impact is not a limited resource. And I feel like the more that we share it, more we give it, the more that it grows. And when we do give to others, I think that is an expansive journey too. Like, it expands us and other people.

Marli Williams [: 00:40:31

And so I think that it's such a powerful idea, and it's like, our wealth is measured by what we give away. Not like again, all the possessions and all the material wealth and success. Like, that's why you have people that have 1,000,000 and 1,000,000,000 of dollars that are miserable. And because our wealth isn't about all of the things that we acquire, but it's what we choose to give away. So I love that. I love that idea as we wrap things up today. So I'm curious beyond that, because it was just such a good final thought, if you have any other final thoughts to leave people with today and then where people can find you, learn more about you, hire you as a speaker, a mentor, or coach, come on one of your hype boarding retreats, all of the things.

Sensi Graves [: 00:41:16

All the fun things. We have fun over here. Yeah. We do. I think the last thing I wanna people leave people with is something you actually touched on earlier, which is don't take yourself so seriously. Life isn't meant to be fun. And when we lighten everything and approach it with this sense of joy and fun and you're the master of play, how can we incorporate that? Life becomes an experiment. Things become more enjoyable, and we realize that nothing really matters.

Sensi Graves [: 00:41:48

Like, what really matters is your community, your family, your health. It's true. And that, I think, was the last big learning for me. It's just, like, don't take yourself so seriously. No, everyone is just walking around trying to figure it out. And no one really knows how to be a human.

Marli Williams [: 00:42:05

100%. And it's just, again, it's the illusion that like, everyone else must have it all figured out, but I'm the only one when really we're all trying to figure this shit out. Why not have fun doing it?

Sensi Graves [: 00:42:17

Yeah. So that's the last thing. I love it. People can find me definitely on Instagram, sensigraves. And then also, Sensi Swim. At sensigraves.com is my speaker website and sensigraveswim.com is my bathing suit website. And then I also put on women's kiteboarding camps and retreats, which are so fun. I have such a blast doing that. And that's strutkiteboarding.com.

Marli Williams [: 00:42:45

So fun. Well, if you have an opportunity to work with Sensi in any capacity, highly, highly, highly recommend it. She's incredible at what she does and holding space for women to step into their power and own their voice and make the impact that they're here to make. So thank you for joining us here today. Thanks for sharing your journey and your story and helping people lead when life lifes you along the way. So thanks for being a friend. Thanks for just being who you are in the world and being such a light for others. And thanks everybody for tuning in this week for listening, and we can't wait to see you next week.

Marli Williams [: 00:43:23

Take care. Thank you for joining us on another inspiring episode of the Marli Williams Podcast. We hope you're leaving here with renewed energy and valuable insights to fuel your leadership, coaching, and speaking endeavors. I'd love to invite you to subscribe, rate, and review this podcast to help us reach more aspiring leaders and speakers like you. We have more exciting episodes and remarkable guests lined up, so make sure to tune in next time. Until then, keep leading with purpose, coaching with heart, and speaking with conviction. This is Marli Williams signing off. See you next week.