The Art & Heart of Building Meaningful Connections -46

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Marli Williams [: 00:00:03

Hey, everybody. What is happening? I'd love to welcome you back to the Marli Williams Podcast where this week I am hanging out with Patrick Galvin who is an amazing speaker, author, coach, and the author of The Daily Connector, where he shares 366 ways to galvanize your life with better relationships. He's also the author of The Connector's Way and The Trusted Way. And he is all about helping people build thoughtful, meaningful connections with others. And really, we dive deep into the power of building authentic relationships as a leader, as an entrepreneur, as a speaker, and how important that is in the world of business, but also in our life. Because as we know, the quality of our relationships equals the quality of our life and who we choose to share it with. So I cannot wait to dive into this powerful conversation today with Patrick. Let's do this.

Marli Williams [: 00:01:10

Hey, everyone. What's happening? I am super stoked to welcome you to the Marli Williams podcast where we will explore authentic leadership, transformational facilitation, and how to create epic experiences for your audiences every single time. I am your host, Marli Williams, bringing you thought provoking insights, expert interviews, and actionable strategies to unlock your potential as a leader, facilitator, and speaker. Thank you for joining me on this journey of growth, transformation, and impact. Let's lead together. The Marli Williams podcast begins now. Let's dive in. This week, you are in for a treat.

Marli Williams [: 00:01:57

I get to hang out with my new friend and neighbor, Patrick Galvin, who is a best-selling author. He's a keynote speaker, and he is a relationship building expert who's here to share the launch of his new book with you, which is super exciting. And some hot tips for all of you out there. How do we enhance our ability to connect with others through daily action, which I love so much. So, Patrick, thank you so much for being here.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:02:25

Marli, it's always great to talk to a neighbor. I think we're about a mile apart, aren't we?

Marli Williams [: 00:02:29

I know. We just realized. We're like, yep. Right down the street from each other. One of our really good friends, Michael Nous, who is a super connector, connected us, which I'm super grateful for. And, you know, we both speak as keynote speakers. And one of the things that I often speak about is the importance of connection. When we're at conferences and events, I talk to event planners all the time and I say, just because people are in the same room, doesn't mean they're gonna connect.

Marli Williams [: 00:02:59

We have to give them a reason to. And so that's I you know, as a facilitator of connection, I'm excited to learn from you today about how we, as leaders out in the world, can really elevate our ability to connect with people in a more intentional, thoughtful, and meaningful way.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:03:18

I love how you're using the word connect. A lot of folks think networking and when they think about going to events, it's just a numbers game meeting a lot of people. And you truly understand connecting is really building that relationship, which is quite different from just handing out business cards at an event. Right?

Marli Williams [: 00:03:34

It's so true. Right? Like, how do you how do you become memorable in that moment through creating, like, a meaningful connection with somebody? So I'm curious, before we kinda dive into your new book that's out in the world, what brought you to want to really focus on the idea of helping people connect in a more meaningful way. You've wrote The Connector's Way, you know, the all of these books about building trust. Just give us a little bit of your your backstory of kind of, like, what brought you to the work that you do in the world right now.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:04:09

Well, the work that I do is very much, related to some of my struggles in the past. So when I came out of business school, I I thought I had everything figured out. I did well in business school. I had all the technical expertise, and I went to work for a couple different companies. And then I had a chance to join my family's business, which was furniture. And I figured, well, we would just advertise better than we were advertising before I got into the family business. And I was I was incredible at spending a lot of money on advertising. So when I was waiting for the results to come in the door, foot traffic wasn't there, sales weren't there, and it was like, wait.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:04:47

This isn't what they taught me in business school and then I started talking. This is over, gosh 25 years ago, a long time ago, I started talking to friends, first in my industry, the furniture world, and then in a variety of different other businesses because I was involved in a young entrepreneurs group and I didn't hear a lot of marketing and advertising success stories, but I heard a ton of stories of businesses and individuals who were thriving because they were building great relationships and we had that focused on that and I thought I thought, okay, well why don't we try this? I didn't have any money for advertising so out of frustration, we decided to really double down on this idea of building a better connection with the people walking in the door, the people in the community who would use our business. And when we focused on relationships, we actually saw our sales take off and it wasn't remarkable because it was what I was hearing from other successful business people. So I learned firsthand success is not about, you know, advertising people to do business with you, but really building a deep connection. And it's changed over the years how you do that, but the underlying theme is people do business with folks who they know, like, and trust. So if you can build great relationships inside your organizations and with the people that you serve, you're gonna do fine. And you don't have to worry about having a multimillion dollar marketing budget because it just isn't necessary.

Marli Williams [: 00:06:11

Yeah. I love that so much, and I love that story of, you know, sometimes we're kind of like, as people say, like, barking up the wrong tree or try you know, and we have to learn kind of what works and what doesn't work. You know? And I love this story of, like, well, all of these other people are out there and they're not doing this. What if I focus on this? We oftentimes teach what we most need to learn. Right? Like you said, this was something that I wasn't doing and I saw other people doing it, and now I teach other people.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:06:44

Exactly. No. A 100%. You nailed it. And the funny thing is you would think relationship building is such an obvious go to, but I didn't have a class in relationship building in my business school. Not because I didn't want to, but because it wasn't offered. And I've talked to a ton of people who've studied business, whether it's undergraduate or graduate or actually been working for companies, and they've never really been taught the art of relationship building. And it's this fundamental thing that isn't discussed.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:07:09

It's assumed. Of course, it's about relationships and you'll just kinda figure it out somehow. But life doesn't really work that way.

Marli Williams [: 00:07:16

It's so true. I feel like, you know, all of these life skills that we need in order to be successful, One being, you know, relationships. And I listened to one of the talks that you gave around the quality of our relationships equals the quality of our life and all of the research and all of the studies that have been done around this. And yet, you know, especially as entrepreneurs, as business owners, we're not taught how to do this. We're just expected to know how. And so I really appreciate, again, this, like, intentionality around, okay, relationship building. But what does that mean? What does that look like? How do we break that down? And really, like you said, see it as a skill that we can learn. Mhmm.

Marli Williams [: 00:08:00

It's not something that, like, some people are good at that and some people aren't. Or even, like, extroverts are good at connecting and introverts aren't. I totally related to, like, introverts are great connectors.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:08:13

Yes. They are.

Marli Williams [: 00:08:14

They're better listeners, like you said, asking asking good questions. As an extrovert, I can walk into a room and have the time of my life, but it's taken a lot of intentionality to really be with somebody and not get distracted.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:08:31

Marla, you and I are in the same school. We are both extroverts. I am lucky that I work with an introvert, so all of our course material, our coaching programs, our books have the introvert's perspective because my co creator is an introvert. And introverts have superpowers when it comes to relationship building because they are more intentional, as you said. They listen better. They tend to really dig deeper when they hear somebody. They're not anxious to say the next thing, but sometimes out of self defense they don't want to talk. They'll think of a very pointed question to follow-up on that thing that that person said and by doing that they get to know that individual better and if you're gonna be a great relationship builder, you really have to ask those questions so you can figure out what is it that you can do to help that person out. If you're assuming you may guess right, but you probably won't, and an introvert just has a tendency to dig a little bit deeper. And if they kind of look at it as a game, it could be fun for them. And they have that natural starting point of being inquisitive that a lot of extroverts are just anxious to be on stage. And you could be on stage in a conversation with one other person, and that just doesn't really serve a relationship. But I think it's more important to be the most interested person in the conversation rather than being the most interesting. Just be genuinely interested in what that other person is all about, and you're gonna be starting off at a point where a foundation of a relationship is gonna be much better.

Marli Williams [: 00:10:01

Yeah. I think that that's so important for anybody out there listening. I know that we're a lot of people are different ends of the spectrum or you're maybe you're somewhere in between, but that this conversation is for anyone out there who wants to be better at building relationships. And I think that if again, if you are a leader, a coach, speaker, an entrepreneur, you know, every single opportunity that I've ever gotten is because I had a relationship with someone. And I think, you know, no matter where you are, that we all can develop this skill and we can all hone this skill. Even as an extrovert who loves connecting with people, one of the things I love about, you know, personal growth work is there's always something new that I can take away, always something new that I can learn. And that's one of the things I really love about your new book, The Daily Connector, because it's like all of these every single day having a new way of looking at relationship building. And I'm a very action oriented person.

Marli Williams [: 00:11:00

So I love the idea of, like, kind of being inspired to see something from a new perspective and then having, like, a tangible thing that I can do that will elevate my relationship. So I would love for you to share what your new book is, what it's all about, kind of what inspired it, maybe even share an excerpt from one of the the daily practices.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:11:22

Fantastic. Well, I'm gonna hold up the book. And for those listening, I'm sorry. I just imagine this beautiful multi-hued greenish bluish yellowish.

Marli Williams [: 00:11:30

It's gorgeous.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:11:31

The deli connector. And this book has been really in the works now for the last 7 years. So we have been coaching relationship building, very intensively over the last 7 years. We have one client that's a fortune 50 company, and we are their default relationship building coaching program. So we've learned a lot in working with a cohort based model with them about what they really need to learn and what they need to figure out. We've worked with some really large credit unions, banks, insurance companies, a lot in the professional service world. And it doesn't really matter, you know, what the product or service is. There's just some basics that people struggle with.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:12:08

The things that I struggled with back in my furniture days when I thought it was all about marketing and advertising. So we've created a coaching methodology, we have an online courses, we have all of this material, and we realized that if we just did a whole dump in a book, here's what you need to do to become a better relationship builder, and hope that people could read this book is thick. It's 412 pages. Wow. There is nobody in the world who could retain a book that big in their brain and actually do something with it. So it's broken up into daily chunks. There is a thought about a particular aspect of relationship building, it's divided into 3 base categories, commit, connect, and cultivate. Every month has a theme, so you're sort of reading thematically over the course of a month.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:12:54

The reading takes about 90 seconds to 2 minutes for most folks and after reading that concept about relationship building for a particular day, there's an action step. Something to actually do with that knowledge, There's a journal coming out in which you can write down your thoughts and there's a more pointed question to guide you, and that'll be coming out in about a week. But what I thought might be fun is just, I have the book here. So let me grab today. We are recording this. I don't know when it's gonna air, but on November 15th is when the recording's taking place. So I'm Yeah. Putting on my, EasyReader glasses here.

Marli Williams [: 00:13:27

Love it.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:13:28

And, November 15th, I'm holding it up. The heading is a linger a bit, and it starts with a quote. Every section starts with a quote and this is a quote by Clara Schumann, who it who is a composer, German composer from the 19th century and also a great pianist and she wrote, why hurry over beautiful things? Why not linger and enjoy them? And after the quote, we have this entry here. It's just a couple paragraphs. Asking what's going well in your life is a powerful way to begin a conversation and create a connection, But with a 100 of things on your to do list, it's easy to default to, and oh, that's nice, before moving on. To the other person though, this feels dismissive. Instead, think about the charm of the word linger. It comes from an old English word meaning to prolong and brings to mind leisurely strolls and cozy parlor room chats.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:14:27

While times have changed, it's a good reminder to slow down and be more present. For example, when someone shares good news or details about their life, ask them to elaborate. If they mention a recent achievement, ask how it happened, why it's meaningful, and what they plan to do next. By choosing to linger in conversations, you show genuine interest and create space for deeper connections. So linger a little longer than you might normally. Beautiful things are not just material objects, they're relationships and experiences too. Now the action step. Resist the urge to rush conversation along.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:15:10

The next time someone shares a piece of good news or details of their life, prolong the discussion by asking questions and showing enthusiasm. Better yet, suggest a celeb a celebratory activity you can do together. By taking the time to allow conversations to unfold naturally, you build trust and deepen your relationships.

Marli Williams [: 00:15:34

I love that so much. I love that word linger.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:15:37

Yeah. We don't use that very much in today's world, do we?

Marli Williams [: 00:15:40

We linger a bit. And just like the like, we live in a world right now that is just everyone is, like, rushing from one thing to the next.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:15:49

A frenzy.

Marli Williams [: 00:15:50

Yeah. And so we, you know, we don't really allow ourselves to drop in with someone, really connect, really listen, and be curious. I love that word curiosity where someone might share something and then to say, like, that's nice, and it's it can feel like a little bit dismissive or that you don't actually care about what they just shared. But when you can stay with them and be with them in that moment and ask them a deeper question or a, like, tell me more about what that what your trip was like, or where'd you go on vacation, and what was your favorite part? And, you know, did you have yeah. Like, I just think that invitation to take your time with people a little bit more and giving them your attention, your presence, which is huge a gift.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:16:43

It's a huge gift that is not given nearly enough. And when you think about great conversationalist, Marli, that you know, I'm guessing that when you really reflect on the conversation that's making you think of them, it's not because they told you the most interesting or unique, things that you didn't know, but probably because they showed a real interest in you and what you're doing. They were curious as you said. That's a great conversationalist and I think so many people have it backwards. They think, wow, it's really hard to go out there and go to a networking event besides, I don't know how interesting I am. Doesn't matter.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:17:17

Just be interested. Linger in those conversations. You can go to a networking event and talk to 2 people and get far more out of it than somebody who goes and hands out 20 business cards and has no meaningful interactions.

Marli Williams [: 00:17:28

And I think, yeah, taking that pressure off of ourselves to be like, oh, I have to have the I have to be the most interesting or have the most interesting stories or things to say versus what if I ask you know, and I think about, like, the quality of our conversations is really the quality of our questions.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:17:45

Yes.

Marli Williams [: 00:17:45

And I really love the question, what's going well in your life right now?

Patrick Galvin [: 00:17:50

Mhmm.

Marli Williams [: 00:17:51

Right? Because I think in our world, we we have we often have a negativity bias.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:17:57

Yes.

Marli Williams [: 00:17:57

And conversations sometimes linger in places that are people complaining, people, you know, just talking about all the problems, because that is what our our brains are hardwired to look for the bad and the negative for our survival. So, like, to ask and I've been taught this in, like, how to build relationships. When you ask a more positive focused question, What's going well in your life right now? What's something you're looking forward to? What's been a highlight of your week? What's a favorite memory you have of the holidays or something? You know, you ask it and it actually, activates different dopamine

Patrick Galvin [: 00:18:37

Yes.

Marli Williams [: 00:18:38

Things in your brain that create that connection in that moment.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:18:43

Uncovers all usually the person's passions and interests. What's going well in your life is usually gonna be what their life priorities are. It might be have to do with their kids. They saw, you know, their daughters play. They saw a kid excel in a sporting event. They, had something really cool happen in in the workplace. So they're sharing something that they're passionate about and then conversation will naturally flow off of that because you've now gotten them in their comfort zone, in the in the area that they're passionate about, that makes them feel good. And it's such a better place to be with somebody than opening with, like, what did you think about the election? It's like, I guarantee that's gonna go into a different part of, the emotional spectrum right now.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:19:25

So it's a great way to just open up and open people up to really share what it is that they're passionate about.

Marli Williams [: 00:19:32

I love that. And, you know, I think that in some we're similar in lots of ways because I actually have a card deck that I created called the connect deck, which has a series of a 100 plus questions in there that are more meaningful. Right? So it's like meaningful questions lead lead to meaningful conversation.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:19:51

Fantastic. What a great concept.

Marli Williams [: 00:19:53

Yeah. And I've used this at different events where, you know, I'll hand these cards out at the beginning of my workshop or beginning my talk and say, you know, this card gives you full permission to go up to random people you don't know. And yet and ask them the question on the card. They'll ask you your their question. You'll switch cards and you'll go find someone new. Your goal is to have 3 meaningful conversations in the next 10 minutes or however long we have. Right? And I asked them afterwards how, you know, how did that go? They're like, wow. The that those were way more interesting conversations.

Marli Williams [: 00:20:29

And they're gonna be because they're more interesting, they're gonna be more memorable conversations.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:20:34

Yes.

Marli Williams [: 00:20:35

I really think about the quality of the questions that we ask because we're typically kind of hardwired or we get in a habit. You know, how are you? What do you do? You know, we kind of get stuck, I think, a little bit in..

Patrick Galvin [: 00:20:51

The throwaway questions.

Marli Williams [: 00:20:52

Those types of how's the weather, the sports, something or other. Right? And I think that that is why so many people don't like the idea of small talk because it's like, I'm asking and answering the same question over and over. So if you ask a thoughtful different type of a question and maybe have a few go to's.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:21:13

Right? Like What's going well-being a great one?

Marli Williams [: 00:21:16

What's going well. And when you're at an event, I love, like, what inspired you to be here? Have you you know, like, what are you hoping to get out of this event? Or have you been to this event before? What advice would you have for me? Right? So it's like having some kind of back pocket questions. Do you have any favorite, like, questions that you like, go to questions that, like, always hit and always land when you're meeting new people?

Patrick Galvin [: 00:21:40

So I belong to a couple organizations that I love. One of them being Rotary. I've been a Rotarian for 12 years. People have really compelling reasons to be a member of this particular group. So when I'm in a group that I'm familiar with, I love to ask people, what is it that you love about being a Rotarian? And I've learned some really cool things about the organization I didn't know about because Rotary does all of these different, community service activities. They do all of these great things, and people will say, well, you know, I I love being on this committee, and we we we find people who can't afford a wheelchair. And I cannot get to go out and visit them and and decide, you know, whether or not they can qualify and how we can get them into a subsidized or free wheelchair. And then I'll ask them, well, what's the what are those interviews like? Who are these people? So really it's a great way to get people to explore, you know, why they're a member of an organization.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:22:32

If I'm going to, like a chamber meeting, you know, I love I love asking you what's really exciting right now with your business, and just definitely accentuate the positive and open ended. Don't give people the yes no yes no option. What, why, those are really powerful beginnings, and what you say afterwards depends on the event and probably your comfort level. But I love what and why questions because you can't really do the yes no, and that's what you wanna keep people out of falling into the easy trap.

Marli Williams [: 00:23:03

When you focus on, you know, what are you excited about or what what do you love about being a librarian or what do you love about being a part of this community, right, depending on the context of the event and the audience. Right? And really thinking about how can I ask a more thoughtful question? Recently, I heard a a hot tip that I've I I tried it out, like, right after I learned about it, and I was like, that totally worked, and I don't think I expected it to, is to the two words are just tell me. So it's like if you notice someone like, oh, tell me about this sticker on your water bottle. And it's like, I'm curious about about that or whatever. Right? Tell me. So those that was like like, tell me about that really that that's a really cool necklace. Can you tell me about it? Or tell me about your that tattoo or I really you know?

Patrick Galvin [: 00:23:56

Do you know who's really good at that? So, Terry Gross does a show called Fresh Air, which has been on the air for decades. And she was asked, what is your favorite question? And she said, my favorite question is, tell me about yourself. So she's not even pointing people in any direction. She's just it's the ultimate open-ended question. They could talk about their career. They could talk about their family. They could talk about their tattoo. They could talk about whatever they want, and she said, just keep the conversation open.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:24:26

So I ever since I heard that, I've listened to her and she uses that all the time. So tell me about yourself. And she talks to people for an hour, but that's how she breaks the ice. So it's interesting that you've, you found those words to be powerful.

Marli Williams [: 00:24:39

Yeah. Tell me. I was like, oh, that's an interesting, way to open a conversation. And, again, it's open ended up where people could kinda choose choose their own adventure and

Patrick Galvin [: 00:24:50

Choose their own adventure. Whatever direction. Yeah.

Marli Williams [: 00:24:53

So what have you found out there in the world, like, teaching people about connection and community building and relationship building? What do you think are some of the biggest things that get in people's way when it comes to building more meaningful connections peripherally, like, know a bunch of people. But, like, what what do you think gets in people's way from those, like, that more was more meaningful relationships?

Patrick Galvin [: 00:25:31

I think a lot of people underestimate how interesting they really are and how interested other people would be in talking with them. So I think it comes from a place of almost like, am I worthy enough of having a conversation, especially if it's someone who is at a higher, like, social status level. And just like putting yourself out there knowing that you have your own unique story, that you are absolutely worthy of a great conversation with someone. It's someone that's gonna be interested if you show interest in them and then you come at it from a genuine perspective of, tell me about yourself. You listen, you ask questions. So I think a lot of people just have that that fear of not being compelling enough. And then I think there's a lot of perfectionism worries. Like, I don't know if this is the right question if I'm gonna offend somebody.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:26:15

If it's coming from a genuine space of curiosity and interest, you're not gonna offend people. People can sense that, and I really think that being the perfect conversationalist is the enemy of just being a good conversationalist, and good is good enough. People can tell if you if you show a genuine interest in them. And I just think so many of the hang ups just come from people's concerns about being perfect and posing on others. And, heck, if you're interested in other people, you smile, you show a genuine curiosity in connecting with them and learning their stories, you're gonna have a fantastic conversation. And relationships start usually with a conversation, and they build from there. So just, you know, go forth knowing that that you've got a story and you're interested in other people's stories, and that is the foundation of something really good.

Marli Williams [: 00:27:03

Yeah. I love what you just shared is that, you know, every relationship starts with a conversation.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:27:09

Usually. Right?

Marli Williams [: 00:27:10

Right? So if you think about going on a date, you think about asking somebody out, you think about getting, you know, an a job opportunity. It's like it all started with a conversation. And so I always get curious, like, what are the people we're missing out on? What are the opportunities we're missing out on when we let that fear get in the way? The fear of you know, and I think that that relationship building is so interesting because as as Brene Brown says, I think we're all wired for connection. We're all wired for belonging and connection. And so I think that we deeply need it and desire it and crave connection. And at the same time, we are terrified of it Yes. Because of that fear that, like, I won't belong, I won't fit in, I'll be rejected, I'll be judged, I'll ask the wrong question, I'll say the wrong thing, I'm gonna look dumb, like, all of the noise. And so all of that, I I wanna remind everybody out there.

Marli Williams [: 00:28:07

It's like, that is your ego.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:28:10

Yes.

Marli Williams [: 00:28:10

And our ego wants to do 2 things. It wants to look good and get it right.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:28:16

Yeah.

Marli Williams [: 00:28:17

And when we're you know, if we look at this from a growth mindset perspective and we see relationship building as a skill, it's like, I'm gonna try this question out and see how it goes. Right? And it's just like and I am gonna be okay.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:28:31

I love that. I love that. Yes. Like, you found tell me. You you didn't think it would work. You tried it. It's like, hey.

Marli Williams [: 00:28:36

That actually works. And, like, it's all a giant experiment. You know? I think sometimes, like you said, we put so much pressure on ourselves to say the right thing and have the most interesting story. And I talk about the idea of being brave when you are walking into a room and being willing to be the first person, like, the to be willing to say hi first. Yeah. Because I think everyone's kind of waiting for the other person to, like, make the move as it were. And I'm like, we're at a networking event. We're at a conference.

Marli Williams [: 00:29:08

You know, there's usually some context of, like, why we're all here.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:29:11

Yeah.

Marli Williams [: 00:29:12

And we're here, you know, to connect, but everybody again, they wanna connect, but they're scared of it at the same time. So I'm waiting for you to make the move and you're waiting for me to make the move. And being, I think, to me, a super connector is someone who is willing to be brave and go up to people. And I I this is the opening line that I always tell people, which is, you know, everyone's trying to come up with the most amazing thing to say. And the most amazing thing to say is the easiest thing, which is, hi. Right. Marli. Yeah.

Marli Williams [: 00:29:41

What's yours?

Patrick Galvin [: 00:29:42

Yeah. Exactly. And that's it. Exactly. Exactly. And, actually, a very cool technique for people who are reticent to sort of put themselves out there is most groups, whether it's an association, a chamber, even in an event, they have ambassador committees. So the welcoming committee or the people who greet people as they come in, sign up for those. If you belong to an organization and you've just joined, that is the single best thing you can do.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:30:05

Doesn't take any of your time. You're gonna be at the event, and now they've deputized you as being the person who says, hi. My name is Marlon. How are you? It's like, it's great to see you. This is gonna be we have a wonderful speaker. So I think people, if they deputize themselves, is I my job is to build relationships. Sometimes it makes it easier. It's like, I just have to do my job this at this event.

Marli Williams [: 00:30:25

Yeah. And I think that that's such a great thing for leaders to do, you know, at events is to have kind of whatever you want to call it. I've heard it be called a leadership team, a welcoming committee, but like, giving people that that particular role in facilitating that connection Yes. Moment. And, you know, I always say an event starts the moment someone walks in the room. It's like, let's say the doors open at 6:30, the event starts at 7. What are people doing in that space in between? Because usually, it's networking, but it's not facilitated and there's no one to help people really connect in a thoughtful, meaningful way. So kind of what are you doing on purpose? And that's why, you know, I love the connect deck because it's like, it gives people permission.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:31:13

Yeah.

Marli Williams [: 00:31:13

Right? And I think that that's one of the, like and that's what that role does. Right? When you're in this role of being an ambassador, a greeter, you know, then you're like, I have a role that, like, that's my job.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:31:25

Exactly. I better do it. I'm gonna I'm gonna be diligent. I'm gonna I'm gonna focus on this.

Marli Williams [: 00:31:29

Exactly. And, you know, I just I I always like to think, like, you never know what's on the other side of that conversation.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:31:36

Oh, gosh. No.

Marli Williams [: 00:31:37

You know, like, the and and to to not enter in with that any expectation, but it's like to be open to that possibility. And to come from a place, you know, and you talk a lot about this too of, like, how can I help this other person win?

Patrick Galvin [: 00:31:52

To me, that's the cornerstone of relationship building is that of service. Like, how can I serve that person's needs whatever they are?

Marli Williams [: 00:31:59

Yeah. 100%. And it's like, if you can do that and I even like, sometimes you straight up ask, you know, it's not necessarily the first question, but if you're building a connection with someone to even ask the question, how can I help you? Or, you know, how can I support you? Maybe it's like, what's a goal that you're working on this year? And they're like, oh, I wanna be a professional speaker. Sometime like, I literally I just sent somebody a book in the mail just as a surprise. Because it's like, it's about, you know, building a speaking business, essentially. And we had a conversation about that. But it's then like, how can I help them win? And kinda like take it to the next level and even asking that or or, you know, tuning up our listening for, is there someone I can connect this person with? You know, like, if you've been to that event a bunch, oh my gosh. You know, you learn, like, this person loves pickleball, whatever, you know.

Marli Williams [: 00:32:53

Hey, Bob, did you Steve, we play pickleball every Thursday. Do you wanna play with us? Right? Like, when you're that person to help other people connect, like and they you know, I I love that when I've, like, connected to people and then

Patrick Galvin [: 00:33:07

I A connector of connections.

Marli Williams [: 00:33:09

Out in the world, like Yeah. Hanging out and having the time of their life or, you know, a friend that gets a job because I made a referral or a recommendation for them. It's like like the best thing in

Patrick Galvin [: 00:33:20

the world. It really is, and, that's how you put social capital in the bank account aside from feeling really good about yourself. Let's just go out there. Serve, yes. Serve others. Don't think about the quid pro quo, and you can kind of try to guess what people need, but yes, straight up ask because sometimes you'll be surprised what people say. And I I have so many stories of folks who've asked people in their network, hey, how can I help you? The person needed a small little favor. The person listened, followed through.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:33:46

That's the other if you're gonna ask, you better follow through. Follow through when you hear, and it is amazing how you can deepen a relationship when you just take that moment to say, hey, how can I help you? I I could guess, but I'm I'm thinking there's probably things that I could do, whether it's an introduction, whether it's, you know, a resource, whatever it might be. And any favor that someone asks you is usually gonna be pretty small, like something you can do in 5 minutes. And although it's easy for you to do, the amount of relationship capital that you build with that person is tremendous. And you're not doing it to, like, build it up so you can get something out of the relationship. You just that's your operating mindset. And out of that mindset will come great things. Reciprocity is this real deal byproduct of relationship capital, and that's been scientifically proven.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:34:36

And, so many people are just so concerned. Well, I don't know if I should help that person because I don't think they're gonna help me back. Oh my god. That is the wrong way to go because life becomes really complicated when you're trying to, like, is that person worthy? Is this other person worthy? You just go out there and give give give reciprocal things are gonna happen. And then when you need stuff, there are people in your network who could provide you with that introduction, that lead, that little piece of information, and you can go to them because you've been a helper. And you don't have to worry about am I imposing on them because they actually wanna help you back. Reciprocity people wanna reciprocate. So if you're just a giver, things work themselves out and so many people are just too focused on the quid pro quo, and that is a terrible way to live and actually a really horrible way to build a relationship centric business, whatever your business is.

Marli Williams [: 00:35:24

A 100%. I'm I feel like I wanna double down on this because it's like I mean, I think we've all been to those networking events where there is this kind of just underlying energy of desperation as it were. Right? Like, everyone is out there, like, trying to hustle and get business and, you know, get clients, and and it just feels a little like that's why I think networking has gotten such a bad rap, honestly. Yeah. And so, like, this just this invitation around a mindset shift from, like, what can I get from this event, from this group, from this person versus what can I give to this group, this event, or this person? Like, how can I be an ad? How can I, like, make that whole experience better for them? And how can I have help them have a great time at this event? And I think shifting from that mindset anytime you walk into a room, from what can I get to what can I give, and I think seeing the value in what you have to give, even if it's in like, it it could be energy, a smile, a handshake, welcoming someone, introducing them to someone? You know, these are small ways that you can make, like, a really big impression. Right? And this idea of how do I become unforgettable or memorable as it were. Like, there's hundreds of people at this event. How can I, you know, stand out as it were or be memorable? And it's like through those, again, meaningful moments and conversations and the energy that you bring when you walk into that room and that giving versus getting enter it's an energy.

Marli Williams [: 00:37:02

It's a vibe as it were. Like, it's like, you can feel people's energy of like, oh. And I'm actually creating a whole I'm calling it, like, a new new brand of networking that's called the Energy Exchange. Expand your network, elevate your future. Love it. All about really, in a way, training people that, like, your energy matters when you walk into a room. And, you know, how when when you sometimes they have the once around the room and, like, how do you say who you are? How do you say what you do? How do you ask for help without sounding needy and desperate? Mhmm. So it's like, how can I become someone who people want to help? It's like becoming mentorable, becoming memorable.

Marli Williams [: 00:37:46

Like, people are just like, I I love who you are. I love what you're up to. I just wanna help you win.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:37:52

Yeah.

Marli Williams [: 00:37:52

Like, there's an energy, like and when someone is, like, showing up in in that way, there are certain people that it's it feels easier to help than others. I don't know if that makes sense.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:38:03

No. Totally. And I think so many people are so concerned about their own growth or their own opportunities that they don't invest in relationship building. So in in my book, The Connector's Way, there's 7 rules for relationship building. And rule number 6 is let people know how they can help you succeed. But remember, it's rule number 6. There's 5 other rules about really building connection, which is asking how you can help them, serving others without thinking about how you're gonna benefit. So when you're first meeting, you can do that in conversation by making them feel welcome.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:38:35

And as you get to know them, you can figure out other things you can do. And when you get to rule number 6, people are desperate to help you because you've done so much for them. And it sounds like I'm asking you to do a lot, but the reality is what people need sometimes is just a smile, a nice interaction, an assist, an idea, an introduction, it's not hard stuff. But so many people rush immediately at networking events like, here's my business, this is what I do, this is why we're cheaper, or why we're better, it's like, I'm not gonna listen to them, because they, I don't know them, I don't think they care about me. I'm just a transaction if they're lucky, and it they're probably not gonna get a lot of transactions with that attitude. So, no, it's really like invest in relationships and business is a byproduct of great relationships. It's as simple as that.

Marli Williams [: 00:39:22

And every business is a relationship business, you know, no matter no matter what. You know? And I think that really like you said, seeing this, it's like we can put all this going back to the the beginning of your story, we could put all this time and energy into, like, marketing and funnels and sales and da da da da da. Like or we can put that same amount of energy, less money. Maybe it's time. It is time.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:39:45

It's time. It's thoughtfulness.

Marli Williams [: 00:39:48

You know, there's a level it's like, yeah, it could be easier, quote unquote, like, here's a you know, here's my Facebook ads been. But like that, the return on your energetic investment of your your time and your energy, it is the most valuable asset that we have. The most valuable resource we have is our time, our energy, our presence. And when we give that to someone in a really thoughtful, meaningful way, like you said, I think that there this, like, kind of energy of reciprocity. It's like when you help them, they want they automatically wanna help you. And it feel and it feels good both ways. Like Yeah. The thing is, like, it it does feel good to help someone win.

Marli Williams [: 00:40:31

And I think that, like, that energy of, like, abundance having an abundance mindset, it's like we can all win versus that scarcity mindset. Like, I'm just here to get mine. Right. Right? Because if you win, then I lose versus that the win. It's like if you win, I win.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:40:50

It's not a zero sum game. It's not like you get something and and I'm gonna lose something. No. It's like, let's grow the pie bigger. It's not like there's a small pie.

Marli Williams [: 00:40:58

It's like,

Patrick Galvin [: 00:40:59

let's just make a bigger pie so we each can have a piece. That's nice.

Marli Williams [: 00:41:03

It is like trusting that it all comes full circle because it's like, it might be that person helping you or it might be like their friend who heard about you. You know, it's like, but it's kind of giving without that without strings attached or expectation. It's just like, this feels good. And I know that I can help them and

Patrick Galvin [: 00:41:22

Honestly, it's a lot simpler to live your life that way. Isn't it? Because if you're trying to meter out every relationship, like, is this one worth investing in more than the other? My goodness. Like, talk about energy waste. That takes a lot of energy just to do those mental gymnastics. Instead, just, like, go out to take I'm gonna do as much as I possibly can for this person. And whether something great happens because of that, I don't honestly don't really care because I know that just what comes around ultimately goes around it, whether you call it karma, whatever your Right. Whatever your ideology is, whatever you wanna call it, I I absolutely believe in it, and when I think about my own business, 20 years strong now, about 90% of our business tracks back to 5 relationships. Wow.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:42:05

And I keep asking myself, well, why are we doing business with that person? Why are we doing business? And you keep tracking back, and I talk to a lot of entrepreneurs, and say, okay I want you to think about where that business came from, okay? You said it's that person, so where did that person come from? And that that other person, 5 people. It's, and my story is not remarkable. It is not remarkable. There are a lot of folks who have those influencers in their life, and it's not the famous person on Instagram. It's somebody in their circle who they've built a relationship with, and that person organically helped them find that next opportunity and that person fell, but it always back to those those core relationships. And, you sometimes they surprise you. Some of my core relationships, I wouldn't have guessed that that would be my core. So just go out there and be a giver, and things are gonna reciprocate and come back to you.

Marli Williams [: 00:42:55

I love that so much. And, you know, in this world of the the social media and, like, how many tens of thousands of followers you have

Patrick Galvin [: 00:43:03

Bogus.

Marli Williams [: 00:43:04

Quality. The quality of our relationships over the quantity and really focusing on that and and how important that is. And, you know, I always like to think about, you know, if if someone pops into my my mind, like, oh, I should send them a card or, like, just I was thinking about them, and it's so easy to be like, oh, but it's been so long or whatever. It's like I always say pay attention to those moments.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:43:29

Yeah. Those promptings. Right?

Marli Williams [: 00:43:30

Right? Yeah. For that. It's like the link let it ling let linger a bit. It's like, oh. And my my partner Liz is so good at this. Like, we're like, oh, Liz is sick. Let's send her flower you know, or her, her cat just passed away. So it's like, she immediately is on Instacart sending flowers, sending, like, little, you know, a candle and whatever.

Marli Williams [: 00:43:51

And it's just like, she does that all the time. And she has incredible relationships. And I've, like, learned so much from her of, like, if you're thinking about doing it, do it. Yeah. Kind of and don't overthink it. Because it's like, I don't know what to send. It's like a soup or flowers or a card or this or that. It's like, what and, like, the whole thing is it actually doesn't matter what it is.

Marli Williams [: 00:44:16

It's like doesn't matter. It's that you thought of them.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:44:20

Yeah.

Marli Williams [: 00:44:20

And it's like we all I feel like at the end of the day, we all want to matter and we all wanna feel seen and valued. And it's like, so how can I make the people in my circle, in my life, in my world feel seen and heard and valued and loved and appreciated through these, like, small, you know, it's like acts of kindness or gestures or that that level of thoughtfulness and intentionality?

Patrick Galvin [: 00:44:45

You absolutely get what you give in most cases.

Marli Williams [: 00:44:48

Yeah. A 100%. Well, I would love for you as we wrap today. Do you have any final thoughts to leave our folks with today? And where can people find you, learn more about you, your work in the world?

Patrick Galvin [: 00:45:01

So my guess is if someone has listened to this entire episode, they believe that relationship building is important. So they have part number 1, which is they have a relationship building mindset. They understand it's important. Now the relationship building skill set is something that some folks naturally are just great relationship builders, very few. Some people have been really lucky that they've had amazing mentors or maybe family members that have taught them, how to build relationships, but a lot of folks, just simply need to learn about it. So they can work with a coach like yourself, or with me, they can read books, it's a skill set that can be learned. Unfortunately, it's not taught very much, but just realize that if you've got the relationship building mindset, the relationship building skill set is out there for you. You just need to find it and work on it.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:45:49

In the case of The Daily Connector, hey, just spend 10 minutes a day in relationship building over the course of a year, and you'd be absolutely awesome.

Marli Williams [: 00:45:56

Game changer.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:45:57

Yep.

Marli Williams [: 00:45:58

Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Well, where can people get the book, find you, all the things? And we'll put we'll put the links in the show notes too.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:46:06

Yeah. Probably our company, has all the links to, patrickgalvin.com is my speaking website, but The Galvanizing Group is our company's name, and The Daily Connector is linked to that page. And it's available on Amazon in print and Kindle formats, soon to be, available via audio on our website. And we're gonna have a Daily Connector Journal so people can write their thoughts that will also be on Amazon. So lots of cool stuff coming up in the future.

Marli Williams [: 00:46:32

Amazing. Well, thank you so much, Patrick, for writing this book for people to make this make relationship building part of their daily habits and part of a daily practice, which I really love. It's kinda like again, we get out of what we put in. And so if we're if we're every day, 5, 10 minutes a day, investing in our relationships, I guarantee that is going to be such a game changer for people. So thank you for your work in the world. Thank you for this amazing conversation. To those of you out there listening, get the book, The Daily Connector, and really take this intentional time to nurture and nourish the relationships in your life. And I cannot wait to see what unfolds because you do that.

Marli Williams [: 00:47:18

So again, thank you, Patrick.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:47:20

Thank you so much, Marli. It's always great to talk to a fellow believer in relationships.

Marli Williams [: 00:47:24

I believe. I believe in relationships.

Patrick Galvin [: 00:47:26

We believe together. Agree.

Marli Williams [: 00:47:28

Alright, everybody. Until next time. Take care. Thank you for joining us on another inspiring episode of the Marli Williams podcast. We hope you're leaving here with renewed energy and valuable insights to fuel your leadership, coaching, and speaking endeavors. I'd love to invite you to subscribe, rate, and review this podcast to help us reach more aspiring leaders and speakers like you. We have more exciting episodes and remarkable guests lined up, so make sure to tune in next time. Until then, keep leading with purpose, coaching with heart, and speaking with conviction.

Marli Williams [: 00:48:09

This is Marli Williams signing off. See you next week.